Getting cold-cocked by a
cold-deck
15 September 2006
By Mark Pilarski
Dear Mark,
In a recent column you mentioned cold decks and
cheating. What does a cold deck have anything to
do with cheating? Doesn't a cold deck mean cards
that are cold in respect to player having an
unlucky night? Dwight E.
In your scenario, yes, Dwight, a "cold deck"
could mean a forensically fair game, but a tough
luck time at the tables.
When I stated that cheating at cards can be done
a whole host of ways, one being the use of
physical objects such as cold decks, I meant
decks that are pre-stacked, and are introduced
either at the deal, after the real deck has been
shuffled, or before the deal by a card mechanic
using sleight of hand.
Secretly slipping a stacked deck into the game
can provide a great potential payoff for the
card cheat. The card charlatan's goal is to
introduce a new deck, stacked so as to give him
or her a great hand, but it may also give all
the other players great hands, too -- great
enough to entice them (those lovely sheep} to
bet a decent chunk of change, but not quite
great enough to beat the sharper or arouse
suspicion of his jiggery-pokery.
Dear Mark,
Your column stated that when there is more than
one royal flush in a game that the hearts would
be the highest. What order would follow? Ken
Granted, Ken, some of the hot air in this column
contributes to global warming, but I did not say
that hearts as a suit ranked supreme. What I
referred to was a casino that offered a poker
machine with a payout of $1,000,000 for a
sequential royal flush, and if you were to play
a machine that was suit specific, such as being
in hearts, those odds would be astronomical.
Mutant home games, however, are known to have
some quirky rules that embrace suits, like when
I play a family game of pinochle, calling spades
doubles your points. A poker game that comes to
mind would be a Seven-Card stud game like Black
Mariah, where the high spade in the hole splits
the pot. But in general, Vernell, and you too,
Ken, suits (hearts-priesthood; spades-nobility;
clubs-peasantry; diamonds-the wealthy merchant
class) have little to do with hand rankings.
Hand rankings are strictly a function of
probability. The rarer the hand, the more
valuable it is.
Dear Mark,
An employee of an Indian casino in our state
told me that the return on all quarter machines
is programmed for 82%. How would you describe
slots that have such a poor return? Louise J.
Your letter, Louise, reminds me of an episode on
The Andy Griffith show where Barney Fife
describes to Andy the local talent.
Barney and Andy are peeking through a doorway
into a room where people are dancing. Andy says
to Barney, "Do you see anyone (girl) interesting
in there?" Barney replies, "Naw, they're all
dogs, just dogs." Andy replies, "Barney, that's
not a very nice thing to say." To which Barney
responds: "Andy, if a quail flew through there
right now they'd all point!"
It seems those machines you were playing on are
all dogs, just dogs.
Gambling Wisdom of the Week: "To master poker
and make it profitable, you must first master
patience and discipline, as a lack of either is
a sure disaster regardless of all other talents,
or lucky streaks." -- Freddie Gasperian
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