Bring your kids-sort of
6 October 2000
By Mark Pilarski
Dear Mark,
I wish I had read a past column you wrote called
Split Decision before I made a recent trip with
my family to Las Vegas. I was appalled at the
amount of handbills advertising sex being pushed
down my throat on the Strip right in front of
the MGM Grand. Who in their right mind would
bring a family to Las Vegas? Clifford M.
As a result of continual complaints from
tourists like you, Clifford, the Clark County
Commission recently approved a ban on the
passing out of handbills in Las Vegas. The ban
is targeted primarily at the aggressive peddlers
(smutters) on the Las Vegas Strip who force-feed
fliers, most of which contain sexually explicit
ads for call girl services, on unwilling
tourists as they stroll by. The ban also affects
businesses that hand out ads in front of their
stores along the strip.
Those needing their carnal obsessions attended
to in Sin City will still find arousal circulars
at newspaper stands-which are exempt, as are
non-commercial enterprises.
By the way, Clifford, since when is Las Vegas
for those in their right mind?
Dear Mark,
My boyfriend and I are planning an upcoming
gambling trip to Las Vegas. I want to prove to
my fiancee that I know a little more about
chance than he thinks. Is there any even money
bet in Nevada? Sandra R.
Oh yeah, Sandra. Drive over to one of the 34
wedding chapels in Vegas and get married.
Marriage today is statistically a fifty/fifty
proposition that you'll end up divorced. And if
you divorce rich-jackpot. There's your even
money bet.
Dear Mark,
Before going to the casino I run practice hands
on the kitchen table. The problem with this
method is that play in a casino on both video
poker machines and blackjack is much faster. Any
suggestions? Tammy D.
The best way to acquire gaming skills without
the expense of a live game is with a computer.
In many ways a computer can be far superior to a
human instructor for both training and drilling.
The benefit of computer training is the ability
to test card counting strategies along with
money-management progressive win formulas at no
financial risk, even with simulated high speed
play. Whether at high speeds or a live game
pace, computers accumulate data for later
review. This will enable you to spot costly
trends that you might be making on a video poker
machine or blackjack table. Information like
this would take you years to accumulate dealing
hand after hand on your kitchen table. And
again, the key here is that any knowledge
obtained without a casino outlay will make you
more money down the road.
Many of the better gaming software programs are
either free or shareware, making it very
inexpensive, easy to use, and yes, definitely
fun. These software programs can be downloaded
from any of the major online services on the
internet.
If you don't have a computer, you can still
create a Las Vegas experience with a handheld
video game. I've seen these small hand-held
computer games at Wal Mart's as inexpensively as
$5. I prefer the games made by a company called
Radica. The screen is easy to read and the
batteries last, well, I've never changed them
yet. Along with a basic strategy card, you'll
sharpen your playing skills and be an expert in
no time.
Dear Mark,
Per your advice, my sister and I on our monthly
trips to Las Vegas always discuss the games we
will be playing and the correct bets to make on
those games. When my sister hits the front door
though, she gambles on a whim and becomes her
own worst enemy. Is my sister different from
most who gamble? Sally O.
Take counsel, Sally, most gamblers devise a
cleaver scheme to keep the casinos at bay, but
like Penelope, wife of Odysseus, they spend all
day weaving a tapestry of words and all night
unraveling it.
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