Of Gaffes, Goofs, and
Gains
4 October 2004
By Mark Pilarski
Dear Mark,
You had a very interesting column last week. You
stated that you have seen your 5-spot appear
only four times, and fortuitously you were on it
once for $5, and it paid four grand, far more
than you have ever spent, or will spend, playing
keno. What was worthy of note was the fact that
you play keno, especially since it's doesn't, as
you preach, have a two percent or less house
advantage, and for $5 a ticket no less. Did I
read it wrong? By the way, how much do you tip
on a win like that? Matt. M.
In spite of keno's terrible odds, which at a
minimum offer a house edge of 25%, even I've
been known to play an occasional ticket, usually
at the counter of a coffee shop while dining on
a casino loss leader, the 99-cent breakfast
special. Because of keno's leisurely pace, and
the appeal of a large return for the minimal
investment of a buck (more on this later), yes,
I confess, the game can even grab my interest.
Besides, my keno coup happened in 1984, while
still an amateur combatant against the casino.
Now as to how a certified and decorated
cheapskate like me, could be caught playing a $5
ticket, well, here I was, shoveling down my
second 99-cent breakfast, when a keno angel,
circulating through the casino to find players
for the next game, asked if I wanted to play.
Well sure, I replied, hastily filling out a
blank keno ticket, handing it and a fin to Miss
keno runner, who then took my ticket to the keno
counter, where a keno writer accepted my bet and
issued my official ticket that the runner was to
bring back to me.
What I failed to communicate to the runner was
that I wanted to play a five-spot straight
ticket for a buck. I marked my numbers
correctly, but failed to put $1/5, alongside
those numbers. She, her name was Debbie, took it
upon herself to play it $5/5, signifying that I
was playing a $5, five-spot, straight ticket. I
didn't even realize I was playing for $5 until
long after the numbers were called, since as
long as the writer gets your ticket to the
counter before the game starts, your bet is
down, regardless of when the keno runner brings
the ticket back to you.
The serendipity lay in the fact that the keno
runner assumed that I had wanted to play a $5,
five spot; otherwise, my payoff would have been
only $800 for a one-dollar ticket, and four
dollars change.
As for the tipping part of your question,
although you are not required to tip keno
runners, since their service is considered a
casino courtesy, it is still customary to tip
them, especially if you win. The amount is
totally up to you; however, a standard tip
should be between 5-10% on any win over $100.
You ask, how much did I tip? Well, considering
that the keno runner was the actual, though
accidental, cause of my winning an additional
$3,200, I graciously gave her half of that part
of the win. It still left me with enough
($1,600) to get a season pass at my all-time
favorite ski area, Alpine Meadows (Tahoe), new
skis, boots, bindings and plenty of $$$ left for
plenty of $1 drafts. Nonetheless, Matt, players
should realize that if they play keno long
enough, it will eventually eat through their
bankrolls; however, thanks to dearest Debbie, I
am ahead of the casino, and I plan to keep it
that way.
Dear Mark,
On one of the televised poker tournaments, the
announcer said," he just made a Post Oak Bluff."
Huh? Gary A.
A Post Oak Bluff is a bluff from a tight player
who tries to make a small bet into a big pot in
hopes that the other player has zilch, and will
just give up on the pot.
Gambling quote of the week: "Chance, luck,
random occurrence-these are not the stuff of
reason." -Neil D. Isaacs, You Bet Your Life
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