With one lonely Ben
Franklin left, I would...
27 October 2003
By Mark Pilarski
Dear Mark,
If you had just $100 left to bet in a casino,
how would you wager it? Doug D.
You should have asked me earlier, Doug. The
casino's mission is twofold: first, to empty
your wallet, and second, to keep you smiling.
This was best described by Bob Stupak, a former
casino operator in Las Vegas, when he told U.S.
News and World Report: "It's our duty to extract
as much money from the customers as we can and
send them home with a smile on their face."
If you are down to your last $100, the casino's
goal is accomplished. Except, Doug, I hardly
think that one of sane mind would be smiling
about it.
Realize that casinos are green felt jungles and
you're playing war. The gurus of guerrilla
gambling will tell you that you fight back only
by making bets that have a 2% house advantage or
less. If you do, you'll stand a better chance
of: turning the tables back in your favor,
staying in action longer, smiling, and yes,
stopping the plinking of your hard-earned cash
into the casino's piggy banks.
So, here you stand, near insolvent, with just
$100 remaining, and quite possibly someone near
and dear saying, "I told you, but you just won't
listen." Here is what most, if not all the
gaming experts, Yours Truly included, would
recommend you play:
Blackjack: Played with perfect basic strategy.
Craps: A pass line bet with odds or placing the
6 or 8. A pass line bet and placing the 6 or 8.
Both have a house advantage of less than 1.5
percent.
Video Poker: Good machine selection, and again,
perfect basic strategy.
Baccarat: Betting either the bank or player
hand. The house advantage is 1.17% when betting
the bank hand or 1.36% with a player hand wager.
I have just mapped out the avenue most experts
would take with their last $100. Nevertheless,
if you are down to your last $100, one of two
things has probably happened. Either your
evening's allotment of luck has gone way south,
dooming even your last $100, or your play has
been so apocalyptically bad, despite the advice
of gurus, that nothing can come out of it but a
post mortem.
So, the $64 ($100) question remains. If I
personally were limited to making just one play
in a casino and had just $100 left, what wager(s)
would I make?
Too easy! Whether or not a professional sporting
event is preceded by the national anthem, by
golly, you can get action on it in the Silver
State. And since one of my passions is open
wheel racing (IRL), my one wager would be on the
Indianapolis 500, sitting in a sportsbook for
three hours sipping free cocktails and watching
grown men (and woman, Sarah Fisher) making
left-hand turns while wasting methanol. Yet, the
gambling public may not share my fixation for
boredom, so here's plan B, a point-spread wager
on your favorite sporting event. Now park your
tail end in one of their cushy chairs and enjoy
the game.
Whenever you place a point-spread type wager,
you lay 11 to win 10. That means if you want to
win $100, you have to wager $110 (borrow the
extra $10 from your spouse who is probably
winning, or, just bet the $100) no matter which
team you are betting on. If you win, you will
collect $210 -- your $110 wager plus the $100
winnings. The 11 for 10 commission, also called
a vigorish (a.k.a. vig), is the compensation
taken by the house on every sport bet wagered.
You might need to scrounge about in your
lint-filled pockets for a couple quarters to
enjoy the $1 hot dogs, or those denizens of the
deep, 99-cent shrimp cocktails.
Then there is plan C: Betting the ponies. A $2
wager on an equine long-shot overdue for the
glue factory can be an inexpensive diversion
when the casino is pounding the hell out of your
bankroll. How hard is it to spend ten minutes
with a Racing Form, and then guess? Gitty up!
And who knows, Doug, you might actually calm the
near-and-dear, put an extra $100 in your hip
pocket, enough to put you back in action to
fight another round guerrilla style, making ONLY
those bets that have less than a 2% house edge.
Gambling quote of the week: "I wouldn't put a
red cent in a slot machine, and the only time
you'll see me at a craps table is when I'm
running it." Amarillo Slim
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