Your ticket to three
squares a day
27 August 1999
By Mark Pilarski
Dear Mark,
I know the following question I'm about to ask
is illegal, but I'm still interested.
A small factory close to my home discards a
circular coin-like metal that is exactly the
same size and weight as the silver dollar coins
used in a casino. If I were caught inserting the
coins into a machine, what would happen?
Anonymous
This ditty written by Ian Lewis best illustrates
what will befall the ignorant found inserting
slugs into a casino slot machine.
"Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, whatcha
gonna do when they come for you?"
The TV show "COPS" is filmed on location in the
city of Las Vegas.
Dear Mark,
Why don't nickel machines return the same
percentages as quarter machines? Sara R.
The main reason nickel machines have poorer
payouts than quarters, and why quarters less
than dollars is because the cost to maintain any
machine-slot personnel, floor space,
maintenance, etc.,-is exactly the same. Each
slot has to yield a targeted number of dollars
for the casino, so a larger percentage must be
kept from the lower denomination machines to
meet those goals.
Dear Mark,
Even when playing perfect basic strategy at
blackjack where the house edge is nil, I still
occasionally go home losing. Explanation please.
Sheldon M.
Enter Pilarski's rule number seven of gaming:
"The odds are even money that the light at the
end of the tunnel is the headlight of an
oncoming train."
It is called gambling, Sheldon.
Dear Mark,
Because you mentioned that slots operate using
the same computer chip as a video poker machine,
why not stick with slots as they are easier to
play? Larry L.
True, Larry, the first part of your question is
correct in that most of today's video games
(video poker, video blackjack and video keno)
are derivatives of slot machines and actually
use the same microprocessor technology and
random number sequences, but, video poker,
blackjack and keno machines provide players with
real options and choices that require an element
of skill that regular slot machines don't. With
this skill, you can hack away at the high house
advantage that the average slot machine holds
over you.
Dear Mark,
Why is it that you recommend learning and
playing more than one type of game in a casino?
Robert B.
By diversifying your playing portfolio and
learning different games, when you do have a run
of bad luck in blackjack, you can always try
craps or video poker.
Dear Mark,
What exactly is the house edge? Lefty O.
The house edge is a mathematical
percentage-always in the casino's favor-that the
casino takes on each bet. This edge is the
casino's true income and why they can build
those high rises. For the house to pay for those
construction costs, winning bets are paid off at
less than true odds.
Lefty, consider it a payment for playing in
their establishment, or, an entertainment tax.
Dear Mark,
A dealer once told me that the only way to "soar
like an eagle" when playing baccarat is to bet
ties after they appear. He claimed they always
repeat in streaks. Was he correct? Bobby K.
Eagles may soar, but in this case it's better to
gamble like a chicken because they don't get
sucked into jet engines. By betting only on the
bank or player hands, Bobby, you will avoid
being recycled at Foster Farms. That
dealer-induced tie bets hold a house advantage
of 14.1%.
As for streaks, Bobby, the remaining cards in
the shoe have no memory, hence, previous results
have no bearing on what happens in the future.
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