Have Screwdriver, will
gamble
11 August 2003
By Mark Pilarski
Dear Mark,
When I'm at a video poker machine, I sometimes
hear people say that these particular machines
are looser (sometimes tighter) than some of the
other video poker machines they have played. If
every game uses a 52-card deck, how can a video
poker game be any different than any other
machine? Shouldn't the odds all be the same at
every machine? Tom T.
Youbetcha. Random is random, but sneaky is also
sneaky. You identify tightness or looseness of a
video poker machine by standing tall in front of
it, introducing yourself with a smiling hello,
and INSPECTING THE MACHINE'S PAYTABLE. The
sneaky-peeky that's called. Memorize that. The
paytable reveals what the casino pays for a pair
of Jacks-or-better, two pairs, three-of-a-kind,
flushes, a full house, etc. Math laws set the
odds, but the accountant sets the price.
Take your standard Jacks-or-better machines, for
instance. A 6/5 paytable (6 coins returned for a
full house, 5 for a flush, with one coin
inserted) would be considered tight, no, very
tight; whereas a 9/6 machine (9 for a full
house, 6 for a flush, with one coin inserted)
would be considered loose.
If you were playing on an 8/5 machine (8 coins
returned for a full house, 5 for a flush with
one coin inserted) you'd be giving the house an
additional 3% edge over what they'd get from a
9/6 machine. You see, Tom, random surely is
random, but a slight alteration on the paytable
brings that sharp grin to the face of the casino
owner.
Another example--the key to evaluating the
potential return on the very popular Deuces Wild
machine is the payoff on four-of-a-kind. If that
hand is paid out at 20 for 5, with one coin
inserted, rather than 25 for 5, the machine is
considered tight. Why? Well, four-of-a-kinds
occur frequently, and this lower payoff drops
your percentage return by well over six percent.
Ouch!
But with your own mental screwdriver, you can
tinker even that machine into the loosest cow in
the casino. With maximum coin play and perfect
strategy, a five-coin return for four-of-a-kind
gives you a slight edge against the house--a
100.76% return versus 94.34% if the machine
returns just four coins.
As illustrated above, Tom, with a modest mental
tool-kit, you can create your own loose and
tight machines.
Dear Mark,
Since you love to slam my favorite game of Keno
all the time, how's about your views on bingo,
especially as played in casinos. Ray D.
When you are down to your last fiver, trying to
score free hooch, perhaps even needing a place
to sleep, the keno parlor can seem a gambler's
oasis. But, when you need a calculator zapping
out exponential notations just to figure out the
payoffs, even you might get a bit crusty on good
old keno.
But, when it comes to playing bingo, Ray, bingo
can be sound gambling. Yep, you're reading it
right; that was no misprint.
Bingo is one game the casino offers that
generally operates as a loss-leader for the
house. Casinos can actually show a net loss for
bingo by paying out more in guaranteed prizes
than they take in. If you think $5 is a hefty
price for a buy-in, try any special non-cash
game--yes, FREE -- that some casinos
occasionally advertise.
Yo, keno players, are you hearing this? Bingo
does offer a great return and is a nice,
relaxing change of pace when you're on a losing
streak and need to slow your losses.
Gambling quote of the week: "Video Poker is here
to stay, and if it is here to stay then it is
taking in far more money than it's giving out."
--Rob Singer, gaming author.
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